"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes-and ships-and sealing-wax-
Of cabbages-and kings-
And why the sea is boiling hot-
And whether pigs have wings."

- The Walrus and the Carpenter by Lewis Carrol
(From Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Domestic Catastrophes

Why do domestic catastrophes always happen in mass quantities at the same time?

It went something like this...

I'm on hold with Abbey's doctor's office for 20 minutes.  Meanwhile, Abbey wakes from her nap with a scream.  I put the phone on speaker so we can all enjoy the elevator version of Phil Collins' hit "In the Air Tonight." I rush to pick Abbey up and discover a nasty diaper blow out and shit going all the way up her back.  As I set the screaming child down on the changing table to tackle the situation at hand, Dante, our little dog, begins dry heaving at the door ready to explode with vomit any second.  So, I leave the crying baby on the changing table to let the puking dog outside just in the nick of time.  On my way back, I trip over the sleeping greyhound, Karma who leaps to get up, stands in my way and then begins whining realizing that she hasn't been fed yet.  As the baby continues to howl and I go through baby wipe after baby wipe, the doctors office finally picks up and wants to give me a different phone number to call to schedule her appointment.  I grab a pen and scribble the digits on a magazine cover only to discover I have baby poop all over my hand and now the pen.  Great.

All in probably the span of a minute and a half.

I'm happy to report that all catastrophes have since been dealt with swiftly.  Baby is sleeping in a clean diaper and fresh clothes in her swing.  Dogs have been fed and it seems to be staying down.  Hubs has dinner cooking. Mommy needs a Gin and Tonic, please and thank you.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, yes. Motherhood. This is the real deal, baby. Now do all this with your boss demanding your attention as well. That will happen soon enough.