It was a rough morning this morning.
I woke up cranky. Now that Abbey is sleeping through the night, I feel even more tired. How is that possible? I'm getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night, so boo hoo, right? I think I must be needing some catch-up rest. I didn't sleep well during the final weeks of my pregnancy and haven't slept well since. Four months of not a lot of sleep adds up! I go to bed at night, close my eyes, and next thing I know it's 5am and Abbey is chirping for breakfast.
So glad she's a good sleeper.
Usually, I leap out of bed quickly - happy to see my daughter again. This first nursing of the day is often my favorite time with her. She smiles up at me when I pick her up from her crib. She holds my hand while nursing. It's all pretty sweet and tender.
But this morning, I just wasn't feeling it. I wanted to sleep more. I was having a very good dream. The bed was so warm and comfy. But motherhood called.
Luckily, I thought to myself, I can chill after she goes back to sleep. The second favorite part of my mornings now immediately follow that 5am feeding. Abbey goes back to sleep for 2-3 hours, I watch The Today Show in bed with coffee, grab a shower, and make the bed. It's my own personal routine. It's also the only real "me time" that I get all day. I love it. I need it. I count on having it every morning. It helps keep me together.
But this morning, Abbey wasn't feeling it.
We nursed, as normal, had a diaper change, and she was giving me all the cues that she was ready to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, every time she drifted off and I put her back in her crib, she woke up. Fussier and crankier each time. I tried all my tricks. The swaddle. The bouncy walk around the room. The "sshhh". Rocking in the chair. Singing. Different rocking positions. Swaying. No luck. I grew more and more frustrated as my "me time" was waning. I heard Scott get up and head to the shower, so I knew it was after 6am. Then I heard him get out of the shower. Then, the dogs needed to be let out. All the while the sun was gently rising and the room was getting lighter. Before I knew it, my "me time" had vanished and it was already time for Abbey's next feeding.
I would feel like a bad mother for even admitting this, except I also know all parents have been there. At one point, I just had to leave her whining alone in her crib, go into our bedroom and close the door. Just to have a break. It's not like she was screaming and inconsolable. She just wanted to be held and sleep only in my arms. But I didn't want that. I wanted that brief amount of time that I need to get myself in a good place to take on the day. So, I left her crying so I could make the bed. Sad, isn't it? That's what I would opt to do instead of soothing my crying child. But she was safe in her crib, and I needed to step away. A few minutes later, I returned to her room, she had calmed herself down a bit, I picked her up and we started over.
I nursed her for a while, and then held her looking at her. She was no longer sleepy, but all smiles. I smiled back and bounced her on my lap.
And that's when it happened.
She got the biggest grin, opened her mouth wide, and laughed.
For the first time. A sweet little giggle. Looking right at me with a big, gummy grin and bright, shiny eyes. My day had just taken a turn for the better.
Abbey laughed, I cried, and it was better than CATS.