Better Than CATS

It was a rough morning this morning.

I woke up cranky.  Now that Abbey is sleeping through the night, I feel even more tired.  How is that possible?  I'm getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night, so boo hoo, right?  I think I must be needing some catch-up rest.  I didn't sleep well during the final weeks of my pregnancy and haven't slept well since.  Four months of not a lot of sleep adds up!  I go to bed at night, close my eyes, and next thing I know it's 5am and Abbey is chirping for breakfast.

So glad she's a good sleeper.

Usually, I leap out of bed quickly - happy to see my daughter again.  This first nursing of the day is often my favorite time with her.  She smiles up at me when I pick her up from her crib.  She holds my hand while nursing.  It's all pretty sweet and tender.

But this morning, I just wasn't feeling it.  I wanted to sleep more.  I was having a very good dream.  The bed was so warm and comfy.  But motherhood called.

Luckily, I thought to myself, I can chill after she goes back to sleep.  The second favorite part of my mornings now immediately follow that 5am feeding.  Abbey goes back to sleep for 2-3 hours, I watch The Today Show in bed with coffee, grab a shower, and make the bed.  It's my own personal routine.  It's also the only real "me time" that I get all day.  I love it.  I need it.  I count on having it every morning.  It helps keep me together.

But this morning, Abbey wasn't feeling it.

We nursed, as normal, had a diaper change, and she was giving me all the cues that she was ready to go back to sleep.  Unfortunately, every time she drifted off and I put her back in her crib, she woke up.  Fussier and crankier each time.  I tried all my tricks.  The swaddle.  The bouncy walk around the room.  The "sshhh".  Rocking in the chair.  Singing.  Different rocking positions.  Swaying.  No luck.  I grew more and more frustrated as my "me time" was waning.  I heard Scott get up and head to the shower, so I knew it was after 6am.  Then I heard him get out of the shower.  Then, the dogs needed to be let out.  All the while the sun was gently rising and the room was getting lighter.  Before I knew it, my "me time" had vanished and it was already time for Abbey's next feeding. 

I would feel like a bad mother for even admitting this, except I also know all parents have been there.  At one point, I just had to leave her whining alone in her crib, go into our bedroom and close the door.  Just to have a break.  It's not like she was screaming and inconsolable.  She just wanted to be held and sleep only in my arms.  But I didn't want that.  I wanted that brief amount of time that I need to get myself in a good place to take on the day.  So, I left her crying so I could make the bed.  Sad, isn't it?  That's what I would opt to do instead of soothing my crying child.  But she was safe in her crib, and I needed to step away.  A few minutes later, I returned to her room, she had calmed herself down a bit, I picked her up and we started over. 

I nursed her for a while, and then held her looking at her.  She was no longer sleepy, but all smiles.  I smiled back and bounced her on my lap.

And that's when it happened.

She got the biggest grin, opened her mouth wide, and laughed.

She laughed.

For the first time.  A sweet little giggle.  Looking right at me with a big, gummy grin and bright, shiny eyes.  My day had just taken a turn for the better.

Abbey laughed, I cried, and it was better than CATS.